Moving Day: Not just about boxes and furniture

As I was getting ready to move I could feel the anxiety start to rise. I took a moment to sit with the sensations. Let me tell you, this was not an easy task. My sympathetic nervous system was in full tilt and I couldn’t sit still. I felt like I could jump out of my skin. The anxiety sat in my chest like a burning ball and traveled to my throat. I didn’t know how much longer I could take it, so I started to orient to the objects around me, really noticing the colour of my blanket and how it felt on my body. I didn’t really understand where it was all coming from. I had wanted my own space for a very long time. The fact that I was feeling all the overwhelming sensations and emotions, bought me a ticket for the shame train. I have been doing the work: I go to therapy, coaching and I practice daily embodiment exercises. What the fuck?????? I should be feeling joy! NOT anxiety.

As I worked through my anxieties, moving day finally arrived. My movers were two chicks, a Suburban and a Rav4. One of my best friends and I managed to get all the Ikea furniture and all my boxes moved by ourselves. Before moving in all the boxes, I took a moment to just sit and soak it all in. I could not help but cry. This apartment I was sitting in was so much more than my own space. It was my home. My safe space. My haven. I could feel it in my nervous system. It was like nothing I had ever felt. There was a peace, a calm. A contentment. A sense of accomplishment.

I know this does not mean that I will never again experience overwhelming anxious sensations I had leading up to moving day. Our nervous systems are built for us to experience anxiety. However, now that I am in a space where I feel safe, I may actually feel MORE anxious sensations then before. And I realize that is OK! You see, our bodies cannot let go of, or move stored emotions, or energy when we do not feel safe (Irene Lyon). The difference is, now, when these sensations arise, I KNOW that I am safe and I am continuously developing the tools to deal with them. Having tools to deal with intense bodily sensations allow us to build capacity in our nervous system. As we build capacity, we will see that the intensity of the sensations lessen, and we will be able to get in front of the intense sensations when they start to occur. Thereby allowing us to stay connected to our bodies and feel the feels that we once bypassed.

So, what does this mean? Well, it means that learning to build capacity in your nervous system is an adaptive coping strategy! It allows you to get curious about what you are feeling rather than denying what you are feeling. It allows you to contemplate the idea that your hot messness may actually be caused by a dysregulated nervous system resulting from THINGS that happened to you! There is nothing intrinsically wrong with you! What a beautiful and powerful concept?

Next time, you are experiencing some very intense emotions or feel like breaking down, before judging yourself or hopping on the shame train, try and step back and remind yourself: there is nothing wrong with you. Your nervous system may be dysregulated from things that have happened to you. See how your energy shifts in that moment. And know that there are so many resources available to explore this possibility.